flores nocturnas

esta es mi vida

no puedo dejar de dudar esto. esta es mi vida, ahora. veo los árboles sonrojarse cada día un poco más, ¿qué es eso que les da pena? y el frio que viene poco a poco, y ya no puedo caminar sin zapatos en la playa. pero el bosque todavía es grande, todo es grande, tan grande. muy grande.

con un horario que no parece horario y un día que no comienza y no termina. esta es mi vida. ahora. la semana comiena un miércoles. un domingo. un martes. nunca un lunes. ¿por qué?

todo dado vueltas sin dejar de revolverse. trato de pararme y me mareo. y entonces mejor doy vueltas y vueltas y vueltas. y vueltas y vueltas y vueltas. 

Estoy triste, no puedo evitarlo, por mas que quiera no estarlo, simplemente lo estoy. Además tengo hipo y este no quiere parar, no quiero tener hipo. Talvez no soy tan fuerte como creía, talvez no lo se lograr. Tengo un poco de frio, las noches en Bogotá son frias, estoy esperando una llamada que no quiere llegar, yo no lo quiero llamar.

Quiero bailar, cantar
Dejar que mi alma vuele
Quiero correr, alzar mi voz
Decirle al mundo que existo!
Quiero alzar, sonreir
ensenarle al mundo que estoy feliz.
Quiero sonar, hacer
cumplir mis deseos y amar
Quiero vivr, estar
Siempre feliz, fuerte
Te canto una poesía
Te la hago para que sepas que estoy bien!

una sorpresa...

si. estoy preparando una sorpresa. ¿para quién? no les digo. 

lo que si les puedo decir es que ultimamente me he notado haciendo algo muy seguido: buscando escusas para no hacer el montón de trabajo en mi mesa negra. y también les puedo decir que esta sorpresa es uno de mis planes para perder como mínimo dos días.

sólo eso les puedo decir. 

ciao. 

EVE Volcano Trip

http://www.vimeo.com/4351025

www.youtube.com/bynocularrs - 57 videos from the past.

god, love and his mysterious hands

u get the ingredients, for example, the tobacco and the rolling papers, they've never met...but their soul purpose was to meet...u put them next to each other. the paper trembles in ur hands not knowing whats coming next. the tabaco slowly swims out of its package...the hands of god put them together, a force they don't know. They can make theories about, but will never figure out what it really is. it joins them...the paper hugs the tobacco and then, the force that brought them together, lights the combination...they die together.

welcome to the red, black yellow train of my nightmare

I guess it's time to post something.

It's close to midnight and i'm stitting here, wide eyed, and knowing that i should sleep or practice will kick me in the ass more than it usually does. I'm too tired to evaluate life and honestly i'm sick of it. I'm tired of "reflecting" of trying to sound smart and to do well. For the next couple hours i want to cuddle under my blankets and pretend to be nobody. Not have to watch my words or my thoughts. I don't want to analyze life, not think about how much i miss guate and if it was dificult or easy this last transition. Or if i feel anymore accepted in this blasted dutch society (if you haven't noticed i don't)
and here i go again, i'm analyzing, criticizing and trying to spell things correctly. damn brain. i want it to shut off. Just for a moment, i want it to be blank. But i think of you guys and have a small melancoly smile. that's not that bad right? thinking of happy melancolic things? i guess thought isn't bad after all.
Sigh, definately a big sigh. school, basketball, boyfriend, friends, family all kind of form a bullet train in my mind. one of those damn things that won't stop. it's red and yellow with big black evil eyes. that's what my waking nightmare looks like. it's thought. it's a rampage through my mind. and it takes on colors which make it all the more scary. And when i realize it's 00:01 and i have to wake up in 8 hours and be fit for class and then have an hour and a half beaten out of me by a coach and 9 other girls. that blasted train just gets bigger, blacker, and more evil.
and this goes on until i fall asleep. a frenzied one because the train never sleeps, never stops. it takes me places where i don't want to go. others where i long to go but that only wakes up melancoly.
welcome on a my nightmare, for 5 minutes. now you can peacefully get off and i'll wave from this stop. wish i could leap, jump, fly away. but i'm stuck in this inferno for a little longer. So long, dear visitor. Till next we meet!

so basically this is what u mean :)

Remember Anton's? lol

Representative Fish

I propose that each of us have a fish that represents us. We get to chose the color, and maybe we can match our post colors with our fish color. I chose a blue fish. (if anyone really wants blue we can fight over it)

So if you add your fish, remember to post in that color.

Post a comment with your color, and Dani Irene or I will add your fish, and add you to the title.

Ideally, we are fully simbolized in our cute, chubby, energetic fishy.

Picture this:

I'll learn to associate Dani's, let's say, red color with his signature "Dani." Since I automatically pair the word "Dani" with the mental picture of physical Dani, eventually, the color red will bring to mind Dani, and all he posts in red. When I log on, and see his little red fishy swimming around, it will put me into a Dani mindset, giving him a blog life within my mind that's based on everything I read of his in red.

In other words:
Dani's red fish cements Dani=Red in my mind

Dani's red writing ---brings to mind-->

the idea I have of Dani ---which is symbolized, trapped, in the red fish -----> which is refreshed in my mind while i play with and feed him.

I think we could do without the fishies, but our brains work based on signs and symbols that conjour ideas, so the fish will help make it all more lucid.

Sweet, im psyched.

So if you add your fish, remember to post in that color.

benjiwhatyouwill.blogspot.com

I've written an update on my life on my page benjiwhatyouwill.blogspot.com . I would be honored if you check it out.

I left, I haven´t come back, and these months in my father´s home land have not been easy. Between the cold, the strange language, and just the complete difference between a third world country and a first world country, I sat there, overwhelmed. Its been totally different from what I imagined. I definitely was not even close to being prepared for this. But it hasn´t been a completely negative experience. Castles and mountains, blooming cherry trees, beautiful European architecture, art, artists, some who I can now call friends. Two stand out to me the most. The first one, also the first person I met here in Bad Ischl (summer home to Kaiser Franz Ferdinand and Sissy) is Paul. Paul Porenta. Strange Paul. Awesome Paul. Pot head Paul. Aspiring director and just plain bizarre Paul. I see potential. I think everyone does. Apart from being one of the smartest people I´ve ever met, his passion for reading and film are just incredible. I´m very glad I met him. In this small town, in this small country somewhere in Europe. When he becomes the next Roman Polanski or Quentin Tarantino, I´ll be glad to have been at least a little part of his life :) (maybe ill get invited to premiers and stuff yay! ) and then there´s Milan. :D One of the most dedicated, original, and talented people I´ve met. His life is music. Music is his everything. He doesnt let anything get him down. Not his parents disapproval of his sexuality, not the conservative views of this town... nothing :) he is sweet and charming, fun... also a hottie :P haha and we always have fun together :P I´m sure one day you´ll hear his name Milan Stojkovik (great name too huh) and there we go... the 2 most interesting people I´ve met so far. And I just wanted to let the world know how much they rock... and that I met them once :D

Hamster

"Do they eat that? Is that their food? Dude thats fucking awesome! If I was high I'd do this all day!"

- Dani's first words when he figured out he could feed our blog's fish.

home is you

wujuuu!!

hey! miren esto! estoy escribiendo aca!! estoy tan feliz de haber podido hacerlo. Mi computadora es mas inteligente que yo.

me hacen falta

pronto escribire algo aqui, cuando aprenda a usar tildes y e;es en este teclado

:)

they're everywhere...no matter where you go, there they are, showing off their beauty, so much beauty. everyone of them is beautiful uniquely. from their hair to their toes, that hair, which floats on the winds creating magical, seductive waves. my hands have fantasies and dream of riding those waves feeling like they are part of it, and it is part of them.

even if beauty is an idea, and the persiever is the one that judges, there is always one that finds beauty in the most abstract master pieces.

her face, so perfect, her cute nose so tender her lips soft like buble gum. the smell on her neck, natural and it inspires me. i close my eyes and let my instincts guide me through the roller coaster of seduction. she joins the ride. i soft kiss on the neck and step of salsa, our hips join and tease...

she opens her mouth slowly and exhales, my arm around her waste presses and another salsa shake...my nose guides me from her neck back to her cheek and i rest mine upon hers. her face begins a journey and our eyes suddenly meet. she moves her head around a bit and the song gradually ends....

to be continued????

INTIMIDADES!!!

La visita de Benji y de Dieguito me hizo recordar tantas cosas, no sólo de Guatemala (que en realidad estoy añorando permanentemente) sino de mi propio viaje por suramerica. Así que he decidio compartir con ustedes cositas que escribí en mi cuadernito jajajja la mayorioa no las van a entender, un año después que yo las vuelvo a leer tambpoco las entiendo. Alguna pregunta estoy dispuesta a contestar. Los quiero!!!

5/08/08
Estamos en la Isla del Sol (lago titikaka) y es espectacular. El viento y el sol se acarician como diciendole a uno que se despierte, que abra los ojos y que mire a su alrededor. La gente, los niños parecen ir a velocidades diferentes, como si el tiempo mismo no existiera, el tiempo es el sol y la luna, van mas lento pero pareciera que pueden derrepente acelerar.

17/08/08
Si uno se quiere, quiere a los demas y yo los quiero mucho. (jajaja)

15/08/08
Vamos para tiguanaco, Coroico fue espectcular. En la mitad de las montañas que parecen tan altas que no tiene comienzo las nuves tapan el cielo y se ve serpentear un rio por el cañon. Hay nevados por todos lados o se ven los nevados desde todos los puntos, no lo sé, todavía no lo puedo sentir. !JUEPUTA! !LOS DEDOS! El mundo no es tan grande y la vida no es tan corta. Nunca es el amor demaciado ni el paisaje hay como el más bonito. La memoria juega con la belleza y la belleza se olvida por eso siempre encuentras algo más bonito que todo y todo se olvida en el momento del deslumbramiento. Pero no es asombro porque los adultos pierden el poder del asombro, el paisaje sólo los deslumbra pero ya no asombra.
El campo es tan lindo y la ciudad tan fea, demaciada gente, el campo es bello porque es solitario porque esta abierto y uno puede coger para cualquier dirección, la carretera es bella, todo es tan amarillo bajo el azul y bajo el verde. Amarillo oro con los nevados de corona, La Cordillera de los Andes nos dice la gente del bus. Se llama La Cordillera de los Andes que viene desde Chile y pasa por Perú y Ecuador ¿y Colombia?

16/08/08
El camino es bello, la carretera sigue siendo la eterna serpiente que como sangre circula. En el valle no ciercula, es recta y es eterna, el lejana. Se camina mucho en la misma dirección y después se sube al ritmo del viento, que no se sabe si es viento o la respiración porque son igual de fuertes y se confunden. Y la altura hace que las piernas duelan pero el alma te hace subir, y subes, caminas y desacansas. A lo ultimo corres, cuando estas cerca y sientes que puedes derrochar energía, que te falta y que es escaza pero que te alcanza para ese ultimo esfuerzo para llegar a la cima. Desde donde se ve el Titikaka como un espejo en el que se refleja el sol y se ve el valle en toda la extensión y la línea roja que es el camino y que ya no parece eterno sino inalcanzable. La cadena real es preciosa, parecen diamantes, perlas blancas, nuves petricficadas que el viento moldea mientras el cielo trata de jalarloasy se forman los picos de la nueve congelada pero caprichosa que juega a quedarse en la tierra.


Después talvez ponga más pedacitos del librito que llevé para hacer anotaciones.


mil besos...

Hola hola, sòlo estoy intentando publicar aca porque a mi la tecnologia me atropeya